Of New Baby

I always heard people say "Biasanya pregnant kedua, kurang dah sickness." Yes, I am blessed that I am pregnant again (Alhamdulillah) but I'm not one of those lucky people. I thought that I wont have bad sickness this time, but I was wrong. I think it even worst than before.

The sickness doesnt started as early as 3 weeks like previously. It was all started when the baby turns 6 weeks. Starts from the vivid dream, then I dont get enough rest at all, then comes to the peak at 7 weeks when I have very terrible headache. I cant do anything when the headache hits me except for sleep. Like seriously. The idea of forcing myself and fighting the sickness are all wrong concepts. It makes me in even worst condition which leads to muntah2 and then of course I will be even weaker. So from the day I have this terrible headache, I just let myself to sleep and sleep and rest. And even yesterday, when I was on medical leave, I just slept half of the day from 11am till 4pm. Then, at night, I continued to sleep as early as 9.30pm till morning. That's how bad my sickness this time.

Well, at time like this, I cant lie that I dont feel guilty at all. I even feel useless and pathetic. I just ignore my son to watch tv alone or just ignore how my house looks like. Dah tahap tongkang pecah I tell you. I dont have the energy to lipat baju apa lagi nak mop lantai and all. But still, I couldnt feel more greatful when Aidan becomes the most darling baby ever.

Everytime when he sees me lying on the bed, he will ask me "Mama sakit?" Right after I replied "Yes, dear." He will run out from the room and watch the TV or play with his blocks and superheroes. Sangat sedih kan? Even nak teman tengok TV pon tak larat. TV noise makes me even more dizzy. So again, I can just lie down on the bed. Fullstop. Well, tipulah if he didnt act diluar batasan. There was one day, when he tried to feed the fish in the aquarium with his oat. You can imagine how bersepah it was from dapur to living room. Hehe. Pity him. He got scolded by his Abah when Abah came back home but I felt so guilty. I didnt attend to him and he was just bored. Sigh.

With this condition, I am more grateful with the bosses and colleagues of mine. I dont come to office very often nowadays. I just log on from home. And this month, they even helped to back up some of my workloads. Such a darling person they are. Though I'm not that lucky having the sickness, but I am lucky to have supportive colleagues as well.

I hope all this will be ended soon. I cant bear to feel guilty not cooking good food at home, not cleaning the house, not entertain the husband and son, and not doing the office works. May Allah grant me a good health and a smooth sailing pregnancy. Amin.

Tiny feet, Tiny Heart, Tiny lil Baby. Semoga Allah pelihara saya. :)